Why Not Now?

Someone asked me, "Dude, have you applied for SSEAYP (Ship for South East Asian Youth Programme)?

They had extended the deadline, two days after your birthday bro..." and I said "Nope, not know" and He replied "Why not now?"

Honestly, I still don't know the answer to that question. Maybe because I need to work, find myself so that when I represented the Philippines again, I am in the whole pieces again?

I really don’t what should I answer to that question. But one thing is for sure, that SSEAYP is part of top ten things I should do before I die. One day, I'll ride the Nippon Maru!

For those who are going to be interviewed for SSEAYP, best wishes!

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“Dude, do it. Go to Dangwa (Manila). Buy her donuts. Take the risk. Fall. Smile. That’s the thing called love.  If you fall, cry, shout, depressed…let it be. It’s what you get from becoming too fascinated with love. It’s yin – yang, positive and negative. Good riddance.”

This was the text message of my friend Macy at around 8:00am of the 14th of May. Before that, I do have doubts of going out of my comfort zone and try my “luck” again in love. So by reading this text message, it really gave me a boost in my morale.

Since I told my mother that I will be leaving again, (since I went to my Alma Mater on the 13th of May for my clearance and thesis), and giving no reason at all that I will go to Manila, she asked me If I could go to our house at Paranaque city and see my Tito, I said yes.

Why not now do the things that make me feel happy? So , off I went to Manila. First stop at Ayala, Makati to buy some donuts. There, I fetched Brenfred who is very patient enough and cooperative with my plans for this day.

Next stop, Dangwa.( That was my first time to go to that place Hahahahaha.)

When we arrived at the Bangbang LRT Station, I have no idea where to go. Then I told Bren (translated in English) “Dude, if there is still no buses or jeepness that will go to Dangwa, we will ride a cab…” And that was what happened. The people there are so nice. Kudos to the people at Dangwa, especially to these two.

Off we went to our final stop, the target location.

Carol2, Michael "The Animated", Carol1

Another satisfied customer of Krispy Kreme.

KK Philippines, is there any complimentary donut? Kudos KK Philippines!

Brenfred "The Wonder Brown Bread"

Thanks Bren, I owe you a lot!

Anyway, summarizing what happened next, it was short but a happy moment for me. I don’t want to mess up their meeting so off I went to Parañaque, to meet my Tito.

Thanks to the Supreme Student Council (As corrected by the current president LoL) of Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila. We apologize for buldging in on your meeting! Nice meeting all of you! Hope to see all of you soon again.

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I consider the children (my cousins) of my Tito(the eldest brother of my mother) as the closest cousin that I have on my mother side. And after a year, my tito and me had seen each other again and talked about so many things. College life, Bar, Partying, Me being a silent type of guy (yes I am quite when I am at our place), my dreams, plans for the next months, pregnancy, love and relationship and the pain that comes with it. It was a very sensible conversation that we had. I believe among my cousins, at my age of 20, I am the one that can I have a conversation like that to my Tito, to my Tita and to my Lola. You know the mature talk. Anyway, he told me that he is more than willing to help me with my plans; I just need to coordinate with him, my Tita (the youngest sister of my mother) and my other Tito (the youngest brother of my mother).

The conversation was long that I left our house at around 11:00pm that I needed to walk out of the subdivision because there is no more tricycle. Upon reaching Alabang, I was fortunate enough to catch the last trip of the van going to our place at Laguna. I reached our home at 12:58am. It was a very fruitful day that I told my self: “Why not now make a blog entry?”

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Why not love now and express it?

I remember watching for the first time the VCD that Macy gave to me as my 19th birthday present. Fresh from Iligan City, we gathered and gave this CD of the movie RENT. Seasons of Love is a wonderful song. But watching the movie itself was way more than wonderful. The true essence of friendship, dreams, struggles and triumph are on that movie. But the most important thing that I learned from that movie was the tagline of the movie itself…. NO DAY BUT TODAY.

It was a life changing move for me, to be able to do things in one day as much as possible. Maybe that’s the reason why I wanted to do things I wanted to do. To attend seminars as a venue to widen my horizons, to travel and see how beautiful the environment, to appreciate a lot of people, to comfort someone that badly needs it, to take a pause out of a busy life. And in some point, I learned to love unconditionally. 

It was a move for me that I could hurt myself. And I accepted that fact. I have no regrets of doing a lot of things to show people that I care for them and love them. I have no regrets of telling that one should eat meals and not skip it. I have no regrets of spending my time, if I personally know that, that person deserves my time and attention. I have no regrets of falling, crashing and burning. I have no regrets of starting all over again. I am not expecting anything out of life. I believe that I should be the one discovering it. And I did. But there are things that you cannot have. But a friend told me awhile ago…maybe it is not now. Well, I really hope it is like that. Maybe that’s the greatest thing that someone could do, to love, unselfishly, unconditionally. That’s the only thing that I could offer. I have no riches, no flashy cars, just myself and my sincerity.

As what I told to James (Kho) awhile ago, maybe I am fated to serve others. I know the road is still long for me. That’s the reason why I am not expecting (hmmmm..just a little expectations will do), for me not get hurt that much. And by having a lot of patience, really helped me a lot.

So, what’s the sense of this entry….I really don’t know. As per advice of my friend, I should blog about it. Express what I am feeling. 

^_^